A pregnant mum has sought advice from other parents after claiming her stepmother had crossed the line. The woman, who has a three-year-old and is in her second trimester with her second baby, said she was ‘annoyed’ by her husband’s mother asking their daughter if she wanted to stay at home without consulting them at prior.
As the parents of the child, the mother-of-one claims her stepmother, who lives far away, should have asked her and her husband for permission and called the move ‘manipulative’. Writing in the Reddit/UKparenting subreddit, the woman asked if her feelings were justified or if she was just hormonal during the pregnancy.
She wrote in an online discussion forum post: “My MIL [mother-in-law] visited at the weekend as we were a convenient stopover on a long trip – she splits her time between 2 houses, one 2 hours away from us and the other 8 hours away. When she visited she was playing with my daughter upstairs and asked my 3 year old if she wanted a slumber party at Nanny’s – of course she said yes she is 3!
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“I’m annoyed that we as parents weren’t interviewed first. My child has never spent the night away from home without his parents, let alone a few hours with a grandparent that we don’t. see only a few times a year.
“It’s manipulation to ask my child before us, and I’m hesitant to accept it, even though I know my child will probably be fine and have a great time. My husband is annoyed with the way he has been approached but would like to welcome the visit.”
She added: “I can’t tell if I’m hormonal and bored because she and I have a bit of an up and down relationship or if she’s a borderline pain. I realize that’s probably something part in the middle, but I just needed to vent and see if anyone has any helpful ideas?”
Many moms on the wire agreed with the woman and said they would be annoyed as well. Reddit user midoristorm posted, “I’d be annoyed too (and I’m not pregnant!).
“Asking your daughter before asking you isn’t cool…and the first night is a big step (or it was for me!), especially considering how rarely you see her.” However, they added that this could be a good thing.
“That said, what are your plans for giving birth? Get her (and you!) used to sleepovers now, it might give you one less thing to worry about during labour. My daughter is now 4.5 and she has had 3 slumber parties with my parents… I was much less stressed by the third time, we all felt a little more confident and had worked out all the little issues.”
Another Reddit user, NormaliseNormality, assured the woman that she was not alone. They wrote, “My MIL is doing the same. ‘When are you coming to see me? Oh, Saturday? Well ask mom and dad to take you then! Tell them you want to stay at Grandma’s !’.
“In my opinion this is unacceptable and manipulative. She makes no effort to visit us and expects us to travel the whole trip with 3 year old twins. I have had little communication with her about this and I have had separate conversations with my twins on the matter so that they understand the situation and how to react in the future.
Another user, comieronperdices, chimed in on the debate. They said the mother-in-law was “clearly trampling on boundaries”.
The follower said: “You’re not just hormonal. She 100% should have talked to you first.
“If the conversation was being led by your daughter and she was telling nanny how much she wanted to sleep over at her house, her response should have been like ‘well, we’ll have to see what mum and dad think about it’.
“Your MIL is clearly a boundary trample. My mom and MIL did the same to varying degrees, and neither did the kids unsupervised.
“You have to talk to your husband and come to a consensus, but personally I wouldn’t accept that on principle. She knew if she asked first you would say no, so she went behind your back to manipulate a child.
“Accepting will mean that she will continue to do so, although from experience saying no will not necessarily stop her either.” Reddit account Sionnach showed some optimism.
They replied, “I mean yes, she should have discussed it with you first. But the offer will have been made out of love, and let’s face it, a night without a 3-year-old is a better night! Going out for a meals, movies, theater or whatever and spend time with your husband.”
What do you think? Have you had a similar experience? Let us know in the comments.